Saturday, June 25, 2011
Vulpix and Ninetails wanted to go to Dreamland, but they didn't know the way. So they had to ask their map. They didn't have a backpack, so they kept the map in Vulpix's tail. They pulled it out, and map said first they had to go to Candyland, then they had to go to the blue unicorn forest, then they had to go to the dark scary creepy forest with the evil evil evil skeleton unicorns with glowy red eyes and spinny bones for horns. So Vulpix and Ninetails set out for Dreamland, and came to Candyland, where they ate tons of candy. Then they went to the Blue Unicorn forest, where some of the unicorns were blue, and some were white, and the blue ones were mean to the white ones because the white ones had no hair. So Vulpix and Ninetails took off their tails, and Ninetails took off its mane, and they gave them to the bald white unicorns, and then the blue unicorns weren't mean to the white ones anymore. Then Vulpix and Ninetails regrew their hair and went on to the dark scary creepy forest where they defeated the evil evil evil skeleton unicorns with glowy red eyes and spinny bones for horns - I think there was a lot of kicking involved here - and then they were at Dreamland. Vulpix wished it was a Ninetails, and Ninetails wished it was a Vulpix, cause there's not another evolution of Ninetails. And they were happy. The end.
Lots and lots of tangents not really relevant to the story were omitted, mostly cause I can't remember them.
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Sunday, June 19, 2011
I love crackfic. Especially when I write it in a serious style. So I'm posting it on this blog because it really doesn't make any sense. I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant, McDonald's, Harry Potter, Charlie the Unicorn or... George Washington.
So let's assume, for some strange reason, that the Skulduggery gang chose to go to McDonald's. Am I insane, you ask? Of course! Now shut up and read.
It was a relatively quiet day at McDonald's. That is, until the door was flung open and a markedly peculiar bunch of people strode in. There was a skeleton in a suit, a boy with ridiculous hair, a blond woman with a sword, a bald, scarred man and a teenage girl clothed all in black. The skeleton spoke first. "Excuse me, sir, but are these Big Macs of yours magic, by any chance?" The freckled boy at the counter looked up. "No sir, the Big Macs are not magic." The skeleton scratches his skull underneath his hat. "Then, the fries? Are the fries magic?" The freckled boy sighed in annoyance. "No, sir, the fries are not magic either. I'm pretty sure nothing on the menu is magic. And with all due respect, you're a skeleton. Do you even eat?"
"None of your business!" shouted the unfortunate skeleton, and turned to walk out with as much dignity as her could muster.
He was blocked at the door by a pale man with a scar running across his face. Following behind him was a near literal army of pale, dark-haired people. Vampires. "We're vampires," the man heading the group said, "and we're angry because apparently we can't tan." The blond woman with the sword strode forward, holding it aloft, but she stepped back as the vampire army was rudely pushed out of the way by a group of teenagers in robes.
"Who are you?" asked the black-clothed teenager from earlier. "I'm Harry Potter! I'm a wizard!" replied one of the teenagers. "I'm confused!" exclaimed the boy with the ridiculous hair. "You're always confused," replied the girl in black.
And just then, somebody pushed the wizards out of the way. Or something. It was a unicorn. A white one. And two other unicorns followed him. The unicorn sighed. "I'm Charlie," he said, in some sort of weird accent. "I don't know what's going on, these two brought me here." The two unicorns behind him giggled, and said something unintelligible about vortexes in their ridiculously high voices.
The door was pushed open again, and this time it was a single person who stepped in. He had a white wig, and he was wearing old-fashioned clothes. "I'm George Washington," he proclaimed, "father of our country."
"You fool!" shouted the scarred vampire. "We are in Ireland, not America!" And the vampire pulled off its skin. But it wasn't a bald, sharp-toothed creature underneath. It was...
"A goat?" exclaimed the skeleton incredulously. The goat pulled a top hat from seemingly out of nowhere, and placed it on its fuzzy little head. "One of Ann's goats?!" The goat attacked George viciously.
And then everyone spontaneously combusted. The end.
- The Pocky Queen
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
A Killer Bunny Rabbit of Death, Doom and Despair!
So don't say I didn't warn you.
Monday, June 6, 2011
I could call him up: "Yo, Derek, you wanna do something tonight?"
He'd be all, "Yeah! Movie night at my place!"
And I'd be like, "Awesome! I'll bring a couple of my Bollywood faves, and we can order Indian food!"
There'd be a brief silence, and then he'd be like, "I'm already set up for a Tarantino marathon..."
Reeeeeeaallllly loooooooong silence, then I'd go, "Oh... Right, right... Good."
And another reeeeeaaalllly long silence, and I'd be all, "Oh! I'm sorry, dude, I can't make it. I forgot I have to .... stay home! and... um........... ...... scrub the toilet. Why don't I send my husband over to watch those with you?"
And he'd be all.... *silence*
Then I'd say, "....He could bring his martial arts film collection. Have you seen Master of the Flying Guillotine?"
And he'd be like, "No way! Awesome!"
So I'd send my husband over, and they'd - see how I'm not saying "have a gay old time" here? yet somehow implanting that in your brain anyhow - watch too many movies and eat too much junk food. I'd have a couple quiet days by myself at home, then start wondering what happened to them, so I'd go over to Derek's place and find them passed out on the couch amid piles of empty soda bottles and chip bags, in front of a huge-ass TV and a gaming system, characters on the screen doing those things they do when you stop playing for a while and they act all bored....
You know what? Never mind.
I bet Skulduggery would have gone dancing with me. :-P
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Random Cheeto attack!