Monday, June 6, 2011

My (Imaginary) Date with Derek Landy

For the oblivious, I have a little crush on the man.  I mean, I'd really rather go out with Skulduggery, but since he's, um, fictional, so far as I know, I'll settle for the human counterpart.  So I wondered what it would be like to date Derek.

I could call him up:  "Yo, Derek, you wanna do something tonight?"

He'd be all, "Yeah!  Movie night at my place!"

And I'd be like, "Awesome!  I'll bring a couple of my Bollywood faves, and we can order Indian food!"

There'd be a brief silence, and then he'd be like, "I'm already set up for a Tarantino marathon..."

Reeeeeeaallllly loooooooong silence, then I'd go, "Oh...  Right, right...  Good."

And another reeeeeaaalllly long silence, and I'd be all, "Oh!  I'm sorry, dude, I can't make it.  I forgot I have to .... stay home!  and... um...........     ......    scrub the toilet.  Why don't I send my husband over to watch those with you?"

And he'd be all....  *silence*

Then I'd say, "....He could bring his martial arts film collection.  Have you seen Master of the Flying Guillotine?"

And he'd be like, "No way!  Awesome!"

So I'd send my husband over, and they'd - see how I'm not saying "have a gay old time" here?  yet somehow implanting that in your brain anyhow - watch too many movies and eat too much junk food.  I'd have a couple quiet days by myself at home, then start wondering what happened to them, so I'd go over to Derek's place and find them passed out on the couch amid piles of empty soda bottles and chip bags, in front of a huge-ass TV and a gaming system, characters on the screen doing those things they do when you stop playing for a while and they act all bored....

You know what?  Never mind.
I bet Skulduggery would have gone dancing with me.  :-P


  1. LOL, Ann!! xD
    That was hilarious!!!
    That was stupendous!! :3

  2. *bows* I'm glad somebody appreciates the... goo that oozes from my poor, broken brain. :-D

  3. You want him? I really have no use for a man who doesn't cater to all my whims.

    *passes Derek to Destinia*

  4. -intercepts Ann and grabs Derek-

    -runs off, screeching like a lunatic-

  5. what.. what are you going to do with him?

  6. That's for me to know, and you to not find out.

    -gags and handcuffs Derek so he can't escape-

    -drags him away-

  7. Hey! Don't forget the charger for the video camera! And here, you'll need this. *hands you a brand new data card*