I love crackfic. Especially when I write it in a serious style. So I'm posting it on this blog because it really doesn't make any sense. I don't own Skulduggery Pleasant, McDonald's, Harry Potter, Charlie the Unicorn or... George Washington.
So let's assume, for some strange reason, that the Skulduggery gang chose to go to McDonald's. Am I insane, you ask? Of course! Now shut up and read.
It was a relatively quiet day at McDonald's. That is, until the door was flung open and a markedly peculiar bunch of people strode in. There was a skeleton in a suit, a boy with ridiculous hair, a blond woman with a sword, a bald, scarred man and a teenage girl clothed all in black. The skeleton spoke first. "Excuse me, sir, but are these Big Macs of yours magic, by any chance?" The freckled boy at the counter looked up. "No sir, the Big Macs are not magic." The skeleton scratches his skull underneath his hat. "Then, the fries? Are the fries magic?" The freckled boy sighed in annoyance. "No, sir, the fries are not magic either. I'm pretty sure nothing on the menu is magic. And with all due respect, you're a skeleton. Do you even eat?"
"None of your business!" shouted the unfortunate skeleton, and turned to walk out with as much dignity as her could muster.
He was blocked at the door by a pale man with a scar running across his face. Following behind him was a near literal army of pale, dark-haired people. Vampires. "We're vampires," the man heading the group said, "and we're angry because apparently we can't tan." The blond woman with the sword strode forward, holding it aloft, but she stepped back as the vampire army was rudely pushed out of the way by a group of teenagers in robes.
"Who are you?" asked the black-clothed teenager from earlier. "I'm Harry Potter! I'm a wizard!" replied one of the teenagers. "I'm confused!" exclaimed the boy with the ridiculous hair. "You're always confused," replied the girl in black.
And just then, somebody pushed the wizards out of the way. Or something. It was a unicorn. A white one. And two other unicorns followed him. The unicorn sighed. "I'm Charlie," he said, in some sort of weird accent. "I don't know what's going on, these two brought me here." The two unicorns behind him giggled, and said something unintelligible about vortexes in their ridiculously high voices.
The door was pushed open again, and this time it was a single person who stepped in. He had a white wig, and he was wearing old-fashioned clothes. "I'm George Washington," he proclaimed, "father of our country."
"You fool!" shouted the scarred vampire. "We are in Ireland, not America!" And the vampire pulled off its skin. But it wasn't a bald, sharp-toothed creature underneath. It was...
"A goat?" exclaimed the skeleton incredulously. The goat pulled a top hat from seemingly out of nowhere, and placed it on its fuzzy little head. "One of Ann's goats?!" The goat attacked George viciously.
And then everyone spontaneously combusted. The end.
- The Pocky Queen